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That is EXACTLY the metaphor I use for private clients in describing the “tone” you want to capture in your initial contact.You’d never hit on a guy at a bar by walking up to him and telling him that he’s cute, he seems nice, and that you’d like to buy him a drink.So why would you write an email that does the same thing?!If you want to meet a man at a bar, you cross the room, plant yourself eight feet to his diagonal, wait for eye contact and smile. While you might have “made the first move”, you’re still in control, since he has to approach you. Emails that tell a man that he’s interesting are dull.Emails that tell a man that you hope he writes back are weak.Find the tone that shows that – and maybe he’ll feel lucky to have you.
POSTSCRIPT As to HOW to do something like that, here’s a link to my Finding the One Online program, which spends a full hour explaining how to email people online. Evan, Can you give an example of what would be an effective e-mail for a woman to write to a man?
Eg, say you both have a love for adventure travel — you see that he’s been trekking in Nepal, and has visited the Amazon…
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Here is my question: Are men ok with women sending introductory emails to them? In some ways, I see a email hello similar to a come-hither look at a bar, etc.
but in other ways it seems very aggressive and therefore a turnoff to most men. Dear Jane, Your question brings up two of the most common mistakes that women make in online dating: 1) Waiting for Men to Write to You First 2) Telling Him What You Like About His Profile First things first: Men LOVE it when women write to them. If you have an attractive photo, interesting essay, and you’re in his target demographic, why WOULDN’T he be excited to hear from you?